Looking Within vs. Orienting

what’s therapeutic in yoga is subjective

Doing yoga in a beautiful setting - one of my favorite ways to practice orienting

"March is the month of expectation, the things we do not know."

– Emily Dickinson

The peaks and valleys

All through the month of February, I had the intention of writing a post on February Funk and how to upregulate our nervous systems when we’re feeling down. But lo and behold, I was in such a funk….the post never got written.

It wasn’t really just because of that, though. I also had some stressors in my family life that were so stimulating that my nervous system eventually went into fight mode. How fluid our bodies and minds are, that we can go from down in the depths to practically exploding like a volcano!

What is a mama to do when circumstances flip, stressors shift, and our needs change along with our stressors? There really is no one-size-fits-all yoga practice and, to complicate things, what might work for you one day might not be what you need the next day.

So how do we actually stay on top of our own changing physical and mental states so that we can practice yoga in a way that brings us to balance?

Which yoga practices help you when you’re overstimulated? What about when you’re feeling low? Please share!

Noticing - how are you?

We can’t do anything about our stress if we can’t notice when we’re stressed. I’ve been reading Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett, Ph.D and it’s all about noticing how you feel and developing a rich vocabulary so that you can name your emotions. In motherhood, it’s so easy to push through the day and put our feelings on the backburner. After all, we’re so busy navigating the big emotions of our kids, when is there ever time to deal with our own?

I have the bad habit of holding my emotions in, and then feeling them all once the kids go to bed. It’s a frustrating way to end the day, when I could be having solo time to relax or quality time with my husband.

The best way I’ve found to deal with this is to have some pauses in the day. I know, it’s hard to add anything more to an already busy schedule, but these pauses can be super brief, as long as they are done with attention and intention. I bring that focus to my pauses by asking, “How do I feel? What do I feel?”

Sometimes the answer is, “I don’t know.” I don’t always know how to label or define what I’m feeling, but just that habit of inquiring within is such a sweet form of self care that a mama can do in the midst of even the most chaotic moment. If you need to add a little movement to this, there’s nothing like a good Adho Mukha Svanasana or Urdhva Hastasana to bring that focused pause into your days. Sometimes just dropping into our bodies with one breath or one yoga pose offers us the space to notice what we’re feeling.

Capacity

“The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering.”

-Ben Okri

Okay, you might be thinking, “I noticed I don’t feel great. What now?”

In the fields of trauma work and somatic experiencing, there is the concept of capacity. Think of it as bandwidth, as in having the bandwidth to deal with difficulties. In an everyday example, we can think of how our kids have less capacity when they are tired, sick, or upset. Actually, we are the same, but we have more practice and social pressure to avoid having meltdowns.

Increasing our capacity makes us more resilient, so that even when we don’t feel great, or have struggles in life, we can still be present and function with awareness.

So how do we increase our capacity? In a restorative yoga course with Jodi Dodd, I learned two key ways to do this: increase space in the body for stressors to be processed and find ways for the body to let those stressors out. In a yoga practice this can take many forms, but I’d like to offer some simple, accessible ways to do this:

1. The Woodchopper. Here is one version and a slower, more gentle version.

2. Cat-Cow to increase the length of the breath and stretch the muscles of the ribcage to allow for deeper breathing

3. Spinal twist to release tension from the torso for deeper breathing

4. Practices outside of traditional yoga, such as running, walking, shaking out tension, and dancing to burn off frustration, anxiety, and other difficult emotions

What if you’re in public and don’t have the space to throw down a yoga mat? Here are some more subtle options:

1. Sigh

2. Shift your weight on your feet as you stand, from side to side and front to back

3. Jump or bounce to shake tension loose

4. Do some neck stretches: look left and right, up and down, and circle the neck in both directions

5. Standing side stretch and breathe into the sides of the ribcage

6. Talk to someone about what’s weighing you down or write about it

As you probably guessed, this isn’t an exact science. What works for me in moments of anger or anxiety might not work for you and vice versa. I know, we busy mamas don’t have tons of time for trial and error but if we start with small actions, then it’s not so much to play around with. When I was in my mid-twenties, I suffered from panic attacks and agoraphobia. My therapist at the time suggested that when I started getting anxious, I wiggle my fingers and toes. Amazingly that worked! I know that everyone is different, but my point is that small things can sometimes have a big effect.

What helps most is to approach these mini practices with curiosity and as little self-judgement as possible. I know, easier said than done, but we have to start somewhere. Yoga gifts us the physical tools to work through the more subtle mental and emotional aspects of our lives. Check out an old post on the koshas in yoga to see what I mean.

Orientation - the context

And then, there are times when we can over-focus on our internal stress to the point of anxiety. Sometimes we need to look around and just be present to what’s around us. At times like that, the last thing we need is to close our eyes and feel what’s going on inside. When we feel a certain quality of stress, pausing to take some deep breaths can actually feel very confining.

On a similar note, it is now less common for yoga teachers to instruct people to close their eyes during class; they might still mention it, but only as an option and not a command. The idea is that some people don’t feel comfortable or safe with closed eyes. The same might go for just sitting or being still. At times, we might need movement, interaction with others, or just a mini break from our struggles. We might need to practice something called orientation.

So how can we use the simple practice of engaging our senses to be present to our surroundings? It can be very grounding. If you didn’t watch the video linked above in the word ‘orientation,’ here’s another one you can try.

This can be done with some yoga poses! Let’s take a moment to do a rotated cobra or stand and twist side to side. Let’s do a crescent lunge and twist one side, then to the other and look back as best as we can. Sure, it’s good to notice what’s going on within you, but take a moment to connect with your surroundings and get grounded in the moment! In the video below, I include some of the suggestions above on increasing capacity.

Peaks and Valleys are Balance

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

-Lao Tzu

It’s easy to assume that finding balance with yoga is all about getting on an even keel, emotionally, mentally, and physically. The reality is that there will be struggles, ups and downs, and tough emotions to deal with. The difference between kids' emotions and adults' emotions is that we learn to hide ours in socially acceptable behavior. We can appear to be on an even keel though we might be reeling on the inside. We have a filter that kids have yet to develop.

So our outward behavior isn’t always an indicator of our internal, emotional and mental health. Read that sentence again. Most people learn to stuff their emotions to please others or fit into expected adult behaviors. I’m not suggesting we all freak out with every emotional high and low, but a healthy inquiry here could be, “Am I stuffing my stress in and holding it there, or am I practicing creative ways of processing and releasing it?”

Increasing our capacity helps us to process and release those emotions and the tension they create in our bodies. Orientation can help us to notice how we’re feeling and create a sense of safety and groundedness so we can more easily deal with our stress and emotions.

The more we get familiar with the connections between our mind and our body, the richer our yoga practices will become. It’s not easy, but it will make life easier if we devote ourselves to it. Even if that devotion is to three minutes of yoga a day, over time you build a relationship with yourself so that you can name your emotions, sensations, and needs. Believe me, it’s worth it. Then one day, you’ll find a little more time for those longer, less interrupted yoga sessions.

Looking back at March, 2020, doing yoga with my daughter. We were orienting to each other:)