"You are not the anger, you are the awareness behind the anger. Realize this and the anger will no longer control you."
- Eckhart Tolle.
Holding space for our kids and ourselves is possibly the most important part of parenting. But what does that really mean to hold space? Sometimes it looks messy depending on what kind of feelings are passing through; and sometimes, the person holding space might feel like they’re not doing anything but being a witness in a process that they can’t control.
And that’s the key there: remembering that trying to control feelings is usually pretty self-defeating. Not to say we should all act however we want all the time! The question is, what are we going to do with our feelings?
Yesterday I flipped out at my 5-year-old daughter. She started having a meltdown about not wanting to go outside but then she would protest that she did want to go to ballet. As I urged her to put her jacket on, she collapsed onto the floor in a crying, screaming heap of contradictions: “I don’t want to go outside!” “But I want to go to ballet!” “I don’t want to be late!” “I don’t want to do anything!” Sound familiar? It’s truly maddening if you expect a young child in this state to make sense.
Which is what I expected because I knew she’d be bummed about missing ballet, so I was pushing for getting out the door ASAP. Long story short, I flipped my lid and ended up screaming at her.
At the same time that I was losing it, I felt bad about losing it. But my anger already had such momentum that I was left to deal with the physiological trauma of it at the same time that I had to find a way to deal with the psychological aspects of it (and yes, I did apologize to her later, when I was ready).
But, it’s usually easier to deal with the physiological effects first, because they are more palpable and accessible right off the bat. So, with that in mind, here’s a little I-just-flipped-out-at-my-kid yoga sequence. Modify it, make up your own, and more importantly, remember to do it in the heat of the moment!
Every Tuesday I’ll share a micropractice that helps busy moms (and dads and kids, and really anyone) to incorporate brief yoga practices into their day. Every Friday I’ll post ideas and inspiration for practicing yoga with kids. Here’s the post to kick off this biweekly series that will last until the end of the year!