“Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”
-Thich Nhat Hanh
Sometimes, even though I practice yoga daily, I get anxious for minutes, hours, days. Sometimes I find that the anxiety was already there and that the yoga actually brought it to the forefront. Other times, I realize that I’ve been pushing myself to ‘practice yoga’ even though I need to practice in a different way or emphasize certain parts of the practice I had been neglecting: I might need more restorative poses instead of a stimulating vinyasa sequences, or more pranayama before sitting down to meditate.
On this new moon I find myself sifting through anxieties around the upcoming birth of my son. Even though “I’ve been through this before,” I actually haven’t. This is a new baby, I’m different than last time I gave birth, and I hope to pull off a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean). As I approach 36 weeks of pregnancy, how do I prepare for the worst, the best, and also just be in the moment?
With yoga, the yoga mama way. Here is where I’m focusing my yoga practice on this new moon:
Shifting my focus
It’s been said countless times that yoga helps us turn our focus inward. That’s true, but sometimes what sets us off on a downward spiral of anxiety and stress is something that we perceive as outside of us.
At the moment, I’ve been asking myself, “What am I afraid of? What worries me most?” I want to get those fears and anxieties out on the table so that they can evaporate. As in the Thich Nhat Hanh quote above, feelings come and go. I’ve been practicing ujjayi and golden thread breath to slow and lengthen my exhale, which has an anti-anxiety effect. Try it!
One of the things with golden thread breath is that it helps to also release anxiety and stress from the body. Imagine the golden thread carrying those feelings outward and far away from you. You go through them, or sometimes they come through you, but after that moment of stress you are still yourself. That’s one of the greatest lessons and gifts of yoga!
Break on through to the other side
There are times that it seems yoga makes us feel worse. Think of times when you’ve tried an awkward or intense yoga pose. Do you avoid these postures completely or try to modify them to make them more comfortable? Sometimes it’s necessary to come out of a posture or to change it a little to keep yourself from getting an injury.
But many times, what’s actually most helpful in these situations is focusing on breathing to release the tension. Sometimes the discomfort is not an impending injury, but your own resistance to a posture (mentally or physically). In those cases, deepen your breath; lengthen your exhale. Use ujjayi breath to slow down and direct your breathing to areas of discomfort. That’s what yoga teachers mean when they ask you to find your edge.
So in every yoga pose, especially the difficult or awkward ones, ask yourself: is this appropriate for me in this moment? Should I stay and deepen my breath, modify the pose, or come out? And if I do come out, what do I need to do instead?
Bird’s eye view or a fish in water?
Meditation can be a great way to get a bird’s eye view of your situation. You can often see and feel how emotions really are like clouds passing through the sky, while your mind is the sky and you are the observer. That’s what is meant by witness consciousness: you are not your mind, body, or emotions, but the consciousness that watches those emotions.
But sometimes when we go from a chaotic or emotional state directly to our meditation cushion, that stress lingers and we can’t quite separate from all the feelings. We are fish in water and that water is a sea of emotions, images, feelings, and thoughts. How do I shake that tension off before I meditate? There are so many ways: say a prayer, chant a mantra, write, imagine myself in a place that makes me happy and calm, go for a walk, do some pranayama (I like alternate nostril breathing for this).
Then of course there are tons of meditation apps and guided meditations online to keep your mind focused. The important thing is finding what works for you in a given moment because some days a certain thing will work and other days, you might need a different approach. They do say yoga makes you flexible, right? It’s not just physically!
Remember the moon
You might wonder why I like the moon so much. Maybe it’s because I grew up near the ocean and the two are so linked (not to mention the incredible views of the moon shining on the ocean). These days I love the moon because it’s one thing in nature that I can really connect to even while living in a big city.
The moon is also a great reminder of the passage of time and the changes it brings. Almost nothing lasts forever, and we learn that on a visceral level through practicing yoga postures and breath awareness. Every day of this pregnancy, I go through discomforts and the full spectrum of emotions. But as I change, especially physically, I change my yoga practice to suit my needs, and as the moon changes, I realize there are bigger things outside of myself that are also constantly shifting.
That is why I’ll never tell you one best practice for a yoga mama. Because it depends so much on you and the moment. So the big question always is: what do you need right now from your yoga practice, and how can you create that for yourself? Please do share in the comments, since yoga mamas can inspire each other when given the space.