“The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.”
-Sydney J. Harris
We all talk about intentions, goals, resolve. We are obsessed with imagining our better selves, listing ways to become that improved person, then embarking on a journey to get there.
And that’s great, as long as we remember the bigger picture. I remember when I graduated from college, my brother gave me a card with a dear little message that ended with that well-known phrase, “shoot for the stars.” It struck me, because it is so often said to inspire, but at the moment, I didn’t feel that need to shoot for the stars. I had a lot of ideas and emotions brewing within me about what I wanted to do in life and who I wanted to be.
I was spiraling in, not in a withdrawing, reclusive sort of way, but in that self-reflective way that you might do on your yoga mat or meditation cushion. I needed to do some internal work, a feeling which I would revisit again and again in life. I’m glad the pull to do that was strong — there’s not much support for this in our society which is all about accomplishment, ‘being someone,’ and finding purpose in external things.
It was time for me to turn my mindset upside down and inside out. Yoga is not just about standing on your head (for some people, it has nothing to do with headstands). It’s more about determining whether ‘standing on your head’ is the best position for you at the moment. Should I rest or be active? Should I speak or listen? Should I stretch or strengthen? And so there is a lot of reflection on what I should do, but before getting to the what, I need to ask why.
When my brother told me to shoot for the stars, he meant well. But before I jumped on the bandwagon, I needed to know why I should shoot for the stars; and if now wasn’t the time to do it, I needed to know what I should do now and when would be a better time to shoot for the stars.
Practicing yoga helps us answer those questions when we use a sankalpa, which is somewhat like a resolve, intention, or affirmation. But it is not about striving to be better so much as it is about uncovering something that is already within you,
We all have goals and intentions as mothers. Sometimes these come across more as wishes or shoulds: I should be more patient with my kids, I should incorporate self-care into my days, I should nurture my marriage or relationship more. Or, I wish I had more time to relax, I wish I didn’t feel torn between going back to work and staying at home with kids, I wish I was better at yoga.
Until we realize that the goal of doing yoga is not to get good at it. Being good at yoga is irrelevant, but the act of just being has everything to do with yoga. Here’s where I salute Nike for their motto, Just do it, because that’s my advice when it comes to yoga. Not flexible? Just do it. Tired? Just do it. No money for yoga classes? Just do it. No time to practice? Just do it (for even a few minutes)!
Yoga offers the practice of sankalpa as a way of affirming what is already there, and we can’t notice what is already there if we never get around to practicing yoga just because we don’t have more than five minutes (check out this post from last year on sankalpa and the new moon).
If you’re like me, you always have about 10 things you wish you had more time for. If only there were more hours in the day for writing, yoga, going on solo walks, chatting with friends. These are recurring wishes for me and sometimes I default to the idea that in this phase of raising small children, I just might not have time for all of those things all of the time.
Sometimes I freeze up and just don’t do any of them: no yoga, no writing, no walks on my own. Until I remember to keep it small and feasible. I ask myself, what is one micro-practice that can keep me on track? What one little thing can I do to stay connected to my yoga practice?
This week it’s reconnecting with some of the physical therapy exercises I had been doing for my pelvic floor. If I can do at least one pose daily to release my pelvic floor — either malasana, happy baby, or child’s pose — then I’ll feel satisfied that I am doing the one most important yoga practice for my body in this moment. Maybe next week it will be different, but the point is that I’ll most likely keep it small and feasible!
My daughter reminds me all the time of how easy it is to do little bits of yoga throughout the day. Here she is (above) on the couch curling up in child’s pose.
What’s one yoga practice or pose that is so simple and satisfying that you can’t not do it? You don’t have to shoot for the stars and do a mind-blowing practice every time. It only takes one pose, one moment, or one breath to turn your mind upside down and inside out and shift your perspective.
The new moon was a few days ago, but I still wanted to post this as a way of showing that sometimes our intentions, goals, and sankalpas take a little while to form. Sometimes our minds get in the way with all our shoulds and responsibilities and that mental clutter makes it easy to forget what’s important for us. Try your mini-practice: a few minutes of postures on the mat, a brief meditation, even a few deep breaths and who knows, your sankalpa might arise in the most unexpected moment or way.