“Yoga is perfection in action. A perfect act has two requirements: It should bring some benefit to somebody and no harm to anyone.”
I am not a perfectionist. If I were, I think I’d probably have missed out on so many things in life. Not to say that I never had self-doubt or self-consciousness about how my actions or words might be received. But, as the youngest of six kids, I learned early that my efforts were not the only ones to affect a given outcome.
So when I first heard the above quote from Swami Satchidananda, something about it made me stop. Do we have to try to be perfect in all things? How much self-monitoring can a person take before they get too freaked out to say or do anything? Like most people, I sometimes say things that I regret, or do things that I’m not proud of and it can be so hard to think before I speak.
Even worse, since becoming a mom, it seems so much easier for me to let some harsh words slip out, especially when I’m tired, stressed, or frustrated. How hard it is to take care of a small child that is still learning to regulate their emotions; how tough it is not to take their feelings and outbursts personally! After all, if an adult did any of the things a young child, or even a teenager, did to their parents, they’d be considered assholes. The part about all this that I try to remember is that I was that way with my parents and so when I reflect back, I realize that I didn’t really mean to do it TO them, I just happened to be comfortable enough to show them that side of me.
So as the mother of an almost 4-year-old girl, I try to receive her outbursts and protests against the simplest things as signs that she feels close to me. It’s not optimal for me to yell at her or shame her for having big feelings, but I also shouldn’t have to hold those feelings for her. So what do I do? I can’t vent in the moment yet feigning calm acceptance is harmful to me. I used to imagine the Divine Feminine as a loving, patient figure that had the compassion to hold the whole world: joys, woes, and all. That’s alright for the divine, and it gives me much comfort to feel that all of me, messy emotions and all, is loved, held, and accepted.
But I am a human and I’ve come to the realization that accepting ALL that life has to offer doesn’t mean carrying the weight of it all. It’s more of a call to transform what comes my way, or simply recognize the stress of it before I let it go.
So when my daughter is exploding with emotions, ‘being there’ for her should bring ‘some benefit to somebody and no harm to anyone.’ I’m not exactly able to be like a duck and let every tantrum roll off my back, but I can stop, feel how my body and mind receive it. I can be like the moon, reflecting the sun’s rays but not holding onto them; seeming to change shape with every movement, shift, and position in relation to that light that is sometimes gentle, sometimes fierce; sometimes resting in darkness, other times shining brightly.
I’m not perfect, and I will sometimes flip my lid when she breaks down. But I am more likely to stop and catch myself if I incorporate even the simplest yoga practices into my daily life. So in offering to the full moon, here’s a little improvised moon salutation on the eve of the full moon. I hope you’ll be inspired to try it and maybe even make up your own! Even a brief practice session on the yoga mat can lower our threshold for emotional stress.
What area of your life brings emotional struggle? When do you find it hard to stop and notice your mental, physical, and emotional reactions to a situation? When do you find it hard not to take things personally?
And then, more importantly, what do you do?