The Longest Day
a yoga fundraiser for the Alzheimer's Association
“More than 6 million Americans are living with Alzheimer’s. Over 11 million people are serving as unpaid caregivers.”
-Alzheimer’s Association Fast Facts
I find this statistic so striking, not only because my own mother had dementia (Alzheimer’s is the most common form of dementia), but because of that second part quote: millions are serving as unpaid caregivers. I know that at some point, many (most?) moms realize that they are basically unpaid caregivers for their children. It really hits home when you hire a babysitter or nanny, or you send your child to daycare and think, “Wow, what if someone paid me that much to care for my own kid?”
It’s not that love and connection aren’t a big part of the motivation to have children — but burnout is real and our society isn’t really set up to support mamas in the best way.
I have truly enjoyed my time as a stay-at-home mom, but I also know the struggle of attending to the needs of small children 24/7. The stress of motherhood and the lack of adequate support for moms is exactly why I write this newsletter! Motherhood is demanding, it requires resilience, creativity, and so much love. That love has to start with ourselves, though, and we absolutely need to take care of ourselves.
In fact, self-care is caring for others; caring for others can also be a form of self care. In yoga there’s a practice called seva, and it’s often described as selfless service. In the yoga community, this might look a bit like volunteering; in motherhood, it’s a way of life. The thing with seva in motherhood is that mamas need to learn to be attentive to themselves. They have got to realize their powers and limitations and offer their time and energy from that place of self-knowledge. In yoga we might call this svadhyaya.
I’ve written much about svadhyaya, that yogic concept of knowing ourselves and ourSelves (Self with a capital S being our highest/spiritual self. Some call it our True Self). When we start practicing that self awareness, our yoga practice becomes more focused: we can identify our strengths and limitations, notice our habits and tendencies, and select the practices that are best for our bodies and minds.
You may have attended a yoga class where the teacher asked you to dedicate your practice to someone or something in your life. It might have sounded too New Agey or overly spiritual if you just wanted to treat yoga as a form of exercise. But when it comes to mothering, everything has the potential to become a dedication. Everything we do can support the ideal version of mom (and person) we might hope to be.
Honoring the Mother and my mother
My mom was my first yoga buddy. When I was just 16 years old, we’d go to classes together. I wished she had continued her practice once I got older and moved away from home, but either way, I have some lovely memories of us moving and breathing together.
A few years ago, my mom started showing signs of dementia, and she declined rapidly. It was disconcerting watching her slip away even though she was still alive. I couldn’t help feeling anxious wondering how everything would go, especially with my dad getting overwhelmed as her main caregiver.
Last year when she passed away, I found out about The Longest Day fundraiser for the Alzheimer’s Association. I offered an online yoga class for The Longest Day 2023 and this year, I am psyched that I have found a venue to host an in-person class at West Town Unwind, here in Chicago. The event will also be live streamed for those who can’t attend in person. Visit the registration form for more details.
The class I teach for this fundraiser will be dedicated to my mother and the (Divine) Mother, that feminine energy that is our body, our intuition, and our ability to be receptive. But as we approach summer, the energy of fire, light, and the sun is rising — these are qualities of the (Divine) Father, the masculine energy that weaves with the feminine to create our world. In yoga, masculine energy might look like action, heat, and focus. We need both the masculine and feminine aspects to have a balanced yoga practice. So, though my mom was the one who suffered from dementia, I honor my father and dedicate the fundraiser to him as well, for being alongside my mom on her journey as a mother and for being her caregiver at the end of her life.
my husband relaxing with our kiddos
Honoring the Father and the fire
In many traditions and myths, the moon is the symbol of the Divine Feminine and the sun is the symbol of the Divine Masculine. The sun is heat, light, and constant fire, whereas the light of the moon has phases. The movement of moon cycles might be depicted as a spiral or circle whereas the energy of the sun is more linear and constant. Think of that male gender symbol, a circle with an arrow pointing up at a diagonal toward some implied infinity. There’s an ascending quality to it.
Think of the flames of a fire, reaching up, hot and shedding light. Feminine energy is more grounded, moving downward, flowing like water. It’s exactly why I chose the picture at the beginning of this post, a bit of water (the ocean) and a bit of fire (the sun). I might not use the words ‘(Divine) Masculine and (Divine) Feminine in my class, but I will definitely keep these concepts/energies in mind as I plan and teach the class for this fundraiser. How might you balance these energies in your own practice? Please share in the comments below; I’m always learning more on this topic!
Since today is Father’s Day, I wanted to send some love out to the dads, who I don’t mention a whole lot, but who hopefully support the mamas and the kiddos in their own special way. There’s a lot out there about how dads just don’t get moms’ struggles and in a way it’s true, but I believe that in general, dads in this generation are more involved in caring for their children than dads in past generations. Thank you so much to the dads who stand by the moms as they gave birth; to the dads who help put the kids to bed, take them to the park, make them breakfast, and support them financially and emotionally. And of course, to the many stay-at-home dads out there who assume a very untraditional role with love and dedication.
As I teach my class for The Longest Day, I will dedicate it to both my mom and dad, who transformed the life of my family by coming from the Philippines to California and doing their best to make sure that we were raised with everything we needed to thrive.
my parents more circa 2013
Happy Father’s Day to the dads! I hope this post brought you some inspiration, and if you or someone you are close to is living with dementia or Alzheimer’s, I hope that yoga brings you some light. Here’s the link again for my fundraiser page — I hope you can join me in person or online on Sunday, June 23, 2024 from 1:00-2:00pm to move, breathe, and send some love to those with Alzheimers and dementia (and to their caregivers and families!).
If you’re a caregiver of someone with dementia, here’s a lovely article on sharing yoga with the person you are caring for.
Also, here’s a very interesting podcast episode on research into women’s brains and dementia.
If you know someone who would appreciate the information in this post, please share!