This is a rough draft from my upcoming Yoga Mama Manual to be published in 2021 (I apologize for any rough parts…as I said, it’s a WIP). That’s my hand in the pic - can you tell than manicures are not part of my self-care? Let’s just say I’d rather feel good than look good, lol.
Seashells and the Seer
“To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour.”
-William Blake
Pick up a seashell, turn it over in your hands. Feel the texture, notice the color and details, smell it. Bring the shell to your ear and listen for the rushing sound of waves. Be here in this moment with all of your senses.
This makes me think of the Flower Sermon that the Buddha was said to give. Where words fall short, symbolism offers a portal from the mundane to a higher state of mind, a state that makes everything ordinary stand out as sacred.
I’m all about the little things in life, because as moms, our lives seem to become so much about the minutiae of daily life: sweeping the floor, changing diapers, nursing, preparing food, squeezing in little tasks or even work in between all these essentials. It’s not unlike that scene in karate kid, where Mr. Miyagi does the whole wax-on, wax-off thing and makes every day motions into exercises in conscious movement.
I often think of water as an element that invites moms to bring little sacred moments to life. Think of washing dishes, taking a shower, giving the kids a bath, or sitting down to drink a cup of tea or coffee (while it’s still hot, hopefully without much interruption!). Water is a sensory opportunity to connect more deeply with the divine, or with just life in general if you prefer to think of it that way. In my Yoga Mama newsletter, I recently wrote a series called Pratyahara Play that involves a reenvisioning of the traditional idea of pratyahara. Pratyahara is the practice of withdrawing the senses from the external stimulation of life so that we can focus on what’s going on inside of us.
While most people that take a moment to sit in meditation find that there is A LOT going on inside — sensations, thoughts, emotions — moms also have a lot going on all around them. Momlife is noisy! We are all being called all the time: mom, mom, mommy, mama, mama! That’s the mantra our kids practice all day. I’ve seen moms that can tune that out while they calmly finish what they’re doing and at the other end of the spectrum, moms that get irritated by that insistent little voice that won’t give up on calling, “Mama, mama, mama.”
So what are the little things that push our buttons and, on the other side of the coin, the little things that deactivate those buttons? Think of the latest whine session or tantrum that your kid threw. Most likely it was about something ridiculous, like they didn’t want to wear socks with their shoes, or they wanted to squirt liquid soap into their juice (if your kids are older, their complaints are probably different than that, but the emotional force is the same). Now take a deep breath, pause for a moment at the top of that breath, then slowly exhale and notice: is there something that is low-key bothering you right now? Maybe there’s something you swear doesn’t bug you (even though it does), or perhaps you’re super fed-up about something and on the verge of flying off the handle. Whatever it is, notice it, name it, and try one of these water rituals to let it go:
Imagine that the thing or things that are bothering you are rocks. Imagine you are standing on the shore of a large body of water and throw or toss each ‘rock’ into the water.
Drink some water. A sip, a few gulps, or maybe a whole glass. This can be a great reminder to hydrate. We’re more likely to feel stressed or anxious when we’re even just a little bit dehydrated.
Near your kitchen sink, post a quote, word, photo or other image that helps bring you back to a calm state of mind. Stand there and wash a few dishes as you breathe, feel your feet on the ground, and let that image, word, or quote settle into your bones until you chill out.
Try the seashell exercise at the beginning of this chapter. Sort of like a worry stone. If you’re like me, something tactile can be a very powerful catalyst for staying grounded and calm.
As you do one of these rituals (or one of your own invention or discovery), engage one or more of your senses: sight, sound, touch, smell. It can also be nice to bring this sort of water ritual into the bath or shower. We often think of the shower as a place to let the mind wander and come up with great ideas. Even though the shower can be a great catalyst for interesting thoughts, it can also be a place where we can just BE. One of the swamis at Satchidananda Ashram told me how she had a special mantra for showering so that even during the mundane act of showering, she could keep her heart and mind focused. Because that’s what it’s about: choosing an object of focus and spiraling in toward that one thing as an anchor.
This is absolutely key in practicing the kind of awareness you’d have while doing postures on a yoga mat. If you can zoom in on an object of your choice that is simultaneously uplifting and grounding, that’s the foundation for practicing yoga off the mat. Think of a seashell, a nautilus spiraling inward to a comforting darkness that is small, internal, yet powerful enough to contain the sound of the raging sea.
That is you: both small and big in this moment, in every moment. As we keep saying these days, there is so much going on globally and in our communities. Let’s use our yoga practices to zoom in, zoom out, and back in again to keep our perspectives real.
P.S. What do you do to keep a grounded perspective on life? And oh yeah, who has any recommendations for lotions or moisturizers? Autumn brings on my old-lady hands, haha!