“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.”
— Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Where did we come from? And where are we going?
Happy winter, Yoga Mamas! Yesterday we had the Winter Solstice and if you’re with me in the Northern Hemisphere, you’re entering a colder, darker time of year. Whether you live in a more temperate climate or an extreme one, winter can be an invitation to slow down, rest more, and be more introspective. Of course, with the holiday season in full swing, it can be really hard to simmer down because of social expectations and customs.
Whatever your plans for the season are, and whatever your lifestyle, physical/mental condition, or personal feelings about winter are, I think the most helpful question we could all ask ourselves right now is: Where did I come from? And where am I going? Both literally and figuratively. We can translate this question into all levels, physical, mental, and emotional. Let’s talk about the emotional first.
It seems that many people enter Winter with some amount of trepidation. Combine that with overwhelming world events that bring us down if we saturate ourselves in the news and before you know it, we can find a thousand reasons to feel down and out. It can feel like where we are going is not as good as where we came from. The typical advice for this might be to turn toward something uplifting — that might be a pleasant memory from the past, gratitude about something in the present, or inspiration for something in the future. We all need to be uplifted sometimes, but I would say that before we try to yank ourselves out of the dumps, it can be so helpful to get grounded.
What does it mean to really be grounded?
Getting grounded creates a stable base that allows us to reach up and out; it helps us to go forward with clarity and stability. Sometimes getting grounded is practicing wonder and gratitude for the good in the present moment; other times, it’s acknowledging that we don’t feel great, or that our current experience is really difficult or unpleasant.
On the hamster wheel that motherhood is, it’s pretty easy to get in a funk and feel like we’re not really going anywhere except back to the kitchen to get another paper towel to wipe up another mess. In mundane moments like that, when I feel like my life is just about the damage control of making it through the day with little kids, being more present in the moment can feel stifling. It can be so easy to live in the past and fantasize about the freedoms I had pre-kids or to live for the future and fixate on the relief I’ll feel when my kids are more independent (or maybe you’re a mama that never wants them to grow up; that’s perhaps favoring the past and present over the future). I vote for widening our view to encompass past, present, and future. Being more present is important, but keeping the past and future in mind bring balance and perspective.
This might seem unrelated to yoga, but I feel it’s really important to touch upon this issue because, in New Age and spiritual contexts (including in yoga communities all over), it has been so cliche to tell people to live in the moment and that advice often turns into practices that people might use to spiritually bypass difficult situations and feelings. If you’re not familiar with the concept of spiritual bypassing, or you just want to refresh your mind on the topic, I’ll share a couple of links here and here. If we want to know where we came from and where we are going, we’ll have to be more aware of this tendency to bypass things we typically label as ‘negative’ or ‘painful’ so we can stay grounded even as we strive to stay uplifted during dark times.
Sometimes, similar advice is given to mothers to ‘enjoy all the little things’ and ‘treasure these moments’ because one day we’ll miss them. That might be true on a certain level, but it does nothing to help mamas name and express the difficult parts of motherhood. Sometimes my most profound moments of self care have been noticing and naming that I’m in a funk and it doesn’t usually help to hear that I should treasure this moment when all I’m feeling is struggle. Sometimes, where I’m coming from is actually a low point but pretending I’m not at that low point does nothing to help me lift myself out of it. I can’t bring myself to higher ground by acting like I’m there when I’m not. So, that low point is essential but our ascent out of it only comes after we acknowledge it.
On a seasonal level, we have come from Autumn and we are going into Winter. Autumn was for bringing our efforts and energy down into the roots, and since we are not hibernating creatures, we can use that foundation to reach up and out. Sometimes the energy of the fall season can have a sadness to it and sadness itself can be very grounding, but then where do we go from there? We have metaphorically dropped our leaves and sent our energy into our roots. What does that mean for you? How do you keep your branches extending upward and growing in the cold, dark winds to come? And how does that translate into our yoga practices?
Our Seasonal Focus
I’m a word nerd; when I first began thinking of what our seasonal theme would be for Winter Solstice, I thought Grounding or Getting Grounded would be most appropriate. The last seasonal theme we had was Falling, so perhaps after that dynamic, downward sensation that Autumn brings, we need some grounding, right?
I had to think about it, then overthink it. I wondered: but maybe the energy of Winter is too heavy, bringing our energy downward with too much force, and we may need some stimulation rather than grounding (though I guess that all depends on how you deal with the holiday season), but staying grounded amidst stimulation is what I’m thinking of here. Sometimes the darkness of the season feels bigger than the blitz and glitter of the holidays, and we tell ourselves we should feel grateful and joyful. But how can we embody both sadness and joy? This is getting grounded in our feelings and thoughts, knowing they pass through and shift and they only truly shift when we face them. Spiritual bypassing sends us to heights without letting us get grounded in the messiness of our authentic feelings and experiences. How can we embody the light within the darkness and vice versa? How can we land softly by reaching up and reach up by rooting down? This is practicing with body and mind and it’s what makes yoga more than just exercise or stretches.
So there you have it, our seasonal focus: Landing. Landing gracefully requires that knowledge of where we are coming from and where we are going, even if it’s just the basic acknowledgement that we are going from high to low or from balancing on one leg to standing on two. It’s the natural segue from our previous seasonal focus of Falling because at the end of every fall, there is a landing.
Perhaps a good analogy for this is the idea of falling in love. If you’ve ever fallen in love and wondered how you came to find that person and eventually develop deep feelings for them, it can feel like falling, but then did you eventually land into a balanced relationship? Why do we romanticize falling in love, but we never talk much about the landing?
It can be similar with motherhood. No matter how much you pictured yourself as a mama, or prepared for conceiving a child, being pregnant, giving birth, and taking care of a baby, the entrance into motherhood can feel like falling while juggling so many doubts about how and where to land.
Let’s bring this into the body because both being a mama and being a yogi are so much about embodiment: how we embody our experiences, our ideals and values, even our traumas and primitive drives. Isn’t that one of the big reasons you’re here reading this? To embody the practice of yoga? Even to embody the philosophy of yoga in a personally meaningful way?
Then let’s do this. One hint: the trick to embodying yogic concepts is to use both your mind and your body — it’s not just physical, it’s mental, too. I hope you get inspired to bring this onto your yoga mat after you finish reading the post and if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask in the comments section below. I want this to be an interactive space, a community of sorts where yoga and motherhood meet in a way that serves us all.
Bringing it into the Body and the Mind
So what the heck does this have to do with yoga postures?
Have you ever really watched the way a tightrope walker fixes their gaze on an invisible horizon while they traverse the tightrope? A tightrope walker must stay grounded but not by looking down; they have to look forward or even up a little bit, but they also have to sense downward to stay connected to the tightrope. Much of yoga asana practice is knowing where to put our gaze and where to focus our tactile sense so we can stay balanced and oriented ourselves in space. We use our visual and tactile senses to land gracefully.
Here’s a physical yogic example: as you stand in Virabhadrasana 2 (Warrior 2) Pose, your arms reach out to the sides, the top of your head extends skyward, and the soles of your feet press down into the ground for stability. The more rooted your feet are, the stronger your extension is in all the other directions. Try it!
Virabhadrasana 2 (Warrior 2)
That’s an example of sensing downward so that we could extend upwards. Another way to practice this while landing in a pose involves shifting our weight and landing gracefully on the mat. Here it is: start in Virabhadrasana 3 or Airplane Pose (no need to have the body parallel to the ground; see photos below for these two poses). Notice that this posture is most stable when you can root down through the standing leg. Now, as you shift slowly backwards to place the raised foot down behind you in Virabhadrasana 1 (pictured at the beginning of this post), notice where you place your gaze and how you extend up through the top of the head (and maybe the arms, too) to soften the landing.
Virabhadrasana 3 (Warrior 3)
Airplane pose (a good modification for Virabhadrasana 3)
At the Autumn Equinox, I wrote about the seasonal topic of Shifting and the importance of drishti (focused gaze). This practice of fixing the gaze on a point in front of you to stay balanced and grounded is so helpful to this theme of landing and we can even extend the concept further and ask ourselves: as I go forward from past to present to future, what am I focused on? And, as I land in my role as a mother and a yogi, what aspect of those roles do I focus on and are those things that I want to continue to highlight?
I’ll expand on this more in the weeks to come with more detailed guidance on postural and breathing practices, a restorative pose, a yoga sequence, and a kids yoga practice for sharing with your little ones or just to infuse your practice with more fun! Next Friday I’ll share the focused post on a yoga pose, where I’ll give detailed guidance and modifications of that pose and how it all relates to this seasonal theme of Landing. I hope you enjoyed this post and found it helpful. I always welcome comments and questions, too! If you’re not a paid subscriber, I hope you decide to show your love by subscribing (in 2024 the paid tier will include more than the free tier, but for now, all posts are free to everyone:). Think of it as taking me out to coffee or tea because you appreciate what I’m doing here on Urban Yoga Mama!
Know a mama that would enjoy this post? Please share! Thanks for reading and happy practicing!