“Going with the flow is responding to cues from the universe. When you go with the flow, you’re surfing life force. It’s about wakeful trust and total collaboration with what’s showing up for you.”
-Danielle LaPorte
Lately I’ve been immersed in the process of creating a birth plan for my second baby. At 36 weeks pregnant, I’m feeling the pressure of time and the huge uncertainty of when the baby will come. How can I plan for something that is so unpredictable and only partially under my control?
By feeling, listening, and being present in general. There is too much ‘what-if’ in pregnancy, labor, and being a mother. Lots of worry, decision making, and research. I believe this generation of mothers tends to do more research than any other, and yet, sometimes it’s possible to know too much.
Why? Because when we know too much, sometimes we worry. I’m not saying stop researching and reading. I’m saying do the research, but then have times where you just relax, breathe, and live your life one moment at a time. Because no matter how much you know, that all goes by the wayside in moments of stress. For example, this morning, I got up early as I had been wanting to do lately. I meditated, did a little yoga on my mat, and spent some quiet time reading and writing. This should have set me up for a calm, happy day, but instead it opened up an emotional outlet where a couple hours later, I let loose a barrage of emotion at my husband.
(By the way, have I mentioned before that my dad has referred to me as a volcano? He meant emotionally…)
I need yoga; we all do. The ever-present challenge is practicing regularly, but an even bigger challenge is knowing which practices will benefit you most in any given moment. Everyday, we are all different. Think of how different we become when going through things like pregnancy, labor and birth, and the day-to-day grind of being a mom. And how different we are after sheltering in place during a pandemic.
In light of going with the flow - of adjusting to my pregnancy which is soon to become the experience of labor, birth, and a new baby in our family, and of adjusting to that constant feeling of hanging as we shelter in place during a pandemic - I ask myself to simplify my yoga practice. If yoga really is more than poses, then how can I practice in 5-10 minute spurts throughout each day when that’s all I have? And when I actually do yoga postures, how can I choose just the right poses to support the other aspects of my practice (like meditation, breathing practices, and some of the more subtle mental/emotional things like the yamas and niyamas)?
The hardest thing for me is to stop and notice when I’m stressed. How many times have I noticed that I’m stressed and making unhealthy choices and yet I don’t stop my course of thought action? That stress has momentum and I often let myself get swept away by it. The best way I know how to deal with this is just to stop and listen to myself: my thoughts, emotions, and the sensations in my body.
There is so much buzz around the word self-care these days, it’s so easy for self-care to become another to-do on our long lists. Here’s to more stopping and listening so that we can distinguish the really important to-do’s from the shoulds.
Here’s a loose framework for cultivating more listening and self-reflection:
Start the day with an affirmation. Something simple like, “I will be more present in all that I do,” “I will be more thoughtful in my actions and words,” “I will be more compassionate towards myself,” or “I am aware of my body, emotions, and thoughts.” Or create your own, something that will help you set an intention so that you’re more likely to notice your stress and reactivity throughout the day.
Stop. Stop when you feel stress in your body, stop before you say something uncompassionate or unkind, stop when you notice your train of thought spiraling into fears, anxieties, frustrations. Even if the unkind words already came out of your mouth, stop anyway once you notice; if anxiety is already coursing through your body and making your heart race, stop ignoring and pushing through it and either notice it or release it through physical activity. And if you have 20 stressful events during the day and only manage to stop for 5 of them, pat yourself on the back and make a mental note to stop more the next day.
Listen, either by noticing sensations in your body, taking a few deep breaths, journaling, going for a walk, or doing something else that gives you the space to feel and hold your emotions in an embrace of self-acceptance.
Ask: what do I need to do now? Not necessarily the same as what you would usually do in a similar situation, but what do you truly need in the moment? Maybe it involves a traditional yoga practice, like postures, meditation, or breathing practices, but maybe you don’t have the time and space for something so formal. Perhaps what brings your stress level down is just an affirmation (perhaps the same one you said in the morning?), a moment of tears, a glance at a photo or image that bring your perspective, or a deep breath. You know best what will bring you into a calmer mindset.
As moms, we can’t plan everything perfectly...and as human beings, all we have to do is read or watch the news to realize that so much is out of our control. That’s why sometimes going with the flow means stopping and listening to what’s needed in the moment, so we can keep our minds clear and our intentions clear in our hearts. The greatest yoga pose of all is the “posture” of our minds: how we hold the tension and stress of the world outside our homes and that inner world we all create with out thoughts and emotions.
How do you get better at noticing your stress? How do you stop yourself in moments where you might have made an unhealthy decision? Let’s inspire each other by sharing ideas!